Discipline for Toddlers Part One: Using Positive Wording

All parents worry if their approach to discipline is the right one. There are such heated debates over everything from spanking vs. non-spanking to using "bribes" to get your child to cooperate that it's hard to know where you stand on any issue. Not to mention the fact that it seems like every "expert" in the field of child rearing has a different opinion than the next on the subject of discipline.

The following technique, positive wording, is one that I learned while enrolled in a course called Social Development in Children. I have found that it works extremely well with all age groups of children. The reason why positive wording works so well with children is because it tells the child what TO DO instead of what NOT TO DO. This technique will take a lot of practice to get to the point where it is easy to use at all times with your toddler.

With toddlers, a parent's main goal should be to redirect whatever negative behavior is occurring and tell the child what the correct behavior should be. Have you ever noticed that, for example, if your child is standing on your bed and you say "Don't jump" that the first thing he/she does is start jumping?? That's because toddlers, and most children, don't hear the "don't" but can easily focus in on the "jump"! In this instance, your positive wording would take the "Don't jump" to "Only sitting is allowed on the bed."

Here's another example. Your toddler has decided she wants to color with her new crayons so you sit her in her chair at the table and spread out her pad of paper. But, as toddlers will do, she decides it will be more fun to draw on the new placemats you just bought the day before...sound familiar? A parent's first reaction is usually "Don't draw on that!" But, positive wording would sound like this, "Draw on paper only" or "Crayons are only for coloring on paper."

Here are a few for you to try. For each example of negative wording try to replace it with positive wording. Try them on your own first and listed below are some acceptable alternatives.

1. Don't run.
2. Don't scribble in the book.
3. Don't take your friend's toys.
4. Don't play with your food.
5. Don't whine.
6. Don't touch the stove.
7. Don't talk with your mouth full.
8. Don't stand on the couch.
9. Don't squeeze the puppy.

Positive wording alternatives:

1. "Walk" or "Only walking is allowed in the mall." 
2. Use paper if you want to draw" or "Books are for reading"
3. "Wait your turn to use the toy" or "Ask permission to use the toy"
4. "Eat your food"
5. "Use your words" or "Tell me what you want"
6. "Play in the living room while I cook"
7. "Chew your food"
8. "Put your feet on the floor" or "The couch is for sitting only" 

One key thing to remember is that the younger the child is the more basic you'll want to keep your positive wording. Long, drawn-out explanations won't go over well with children under five! Keep your wordings short and very specific.